Procrastination running circles in my head

omgosh. in a month, the 'O' levels will start and our fates will be sealed. thats all fine. yeah. the thing is, i haven't even finished studying yet!!!

it seems that even a trip down to orchard is such a huge waste of time and that i could've used that time to study or catch up on my sleep. my life is going down the drain. is this the infamous last minute mugging? bcos it had better be. i don't even know why myself. i really really want to get all this over and done with quickly. hurry up 'O' levels! i cant study-eat-sleep anymore!
but then again, i've felt this way before. it isn't foreign at all, feeling like the 'O' levels are just tomorrow, yet my revision isn't done yet. really puts this sense of urgency in me, that i've got to start now and no more procrastinating! but i have one BIG problem: these feelings do not last.
one night i can be worrying like crazy and wishing that i can finish revising my entire bio text within one night. and the next day, the lure of the teevee pushes my homework to the next day and so, everything is delayed.

motivation? What Motivation? there is NOTHING. what is wrong with me? i can't give up! but yet it seems like the easiest thing right now.

only 1 month from the 'O's, and i feel that i have to do something about my life and relationship with him up there. i know that i will regret walking into the exam hall without his wisdom and guidance. who am i to give advice when i, myself, cant even practice what i preach? i know i have to start somewhere and i have to start now. but its so difficult. after so many years, this relationship has just gone cold..and hard. there is nothing there. nothing but tiny memories of past experiences. i feel ashamed to have to face him again after so many years. to admit that i can't live without him, ashamed that i actually thought life would be fine.

i feel so exhausted right now. went to orchard. it was fun, i admit. but it has also sparked a sense of urgency. i don't know how long it will last. i just hope it WILL last, last long enough for me to get through this turmoil. i will have no one but myself to blame if things don't turn out right. and i will have nothing but my guilty conscious gnawing at my heart if i fly off to the States without first isolating myself from all forms of entertainment to make sure that i really do my utmost best in the 'O' levels.

now i can look back at this blog entry and put my priorities back in place again.

,
jolyn

p.s. thanks, Jiahui, for forcing me to blog. you know, it feels really good to be able to get all this off my chest.
p.p.s no more promises about blog posts anymore. (: this blog is probably going to be left to rot until the 'O's end.

My Sweet 16 :D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YIHAO!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOYCE!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEE!! hehe..

woo~ this has been the best birthday eva! bcos like every year practically no one remembers my bday cos its during the last few days of the hols and everyone is chionging hw. i think.. but this year, i had not 1, but 2 birthday cakes! Mmm!! and both are my very favourite kind, chocolate with crunchy stuff below.

i have to admit..i thought this year, my birthday would just go fade into my past with me doing hw..ok..i still did some hw today, but you all already celebrated my bday so it feels like its all over alr. haha! to olivia, kim, jiajia, ellin, yihao, pearl, meijun, lianzhi, nigel, everyone who wished me a happy birthday and especially jiahui (who organised everything and went to plaza sing to get my cake but then later said that i had to listen to all her soya stories to express my gratitude), THANK YOU! :D lalala..

soo..today i went out with my entire family plus my uncle's entire family (including maid) to IVINS this traditional peranakan restaurant for a Fathers' Day dinner bcos we didnt have it last week. the food was a little spicy, but i guess peranakan food is like that. anyway, im trying to embrace my newly discovered traditional background or whatever you call it. im rushing this so that i can post this entry before midnight. :P

ok so when we got back home not very long ago, i blew my second birthday cake! my mum bought it though i told her i didnt really need one, but it still was super yummy.

ohoh! thank you for the card too! very cute! haha..sooooo, i promise to abstain from poking people for 1 week! yyaaaayy!!!

i know i havent been blogging for very long and stuff. sorry! i shall post a new entry at least once every two weeks from now on. yaaayyy!! ok. church tomorrow! and more homework. ive really slack this june. wake up call please? (as in wake up and start studying and not wake up you're going to be late for school. BUT if you want to give me a wake up call on monday morning i wouldnt mind (: hehe) alllrighty. goodnight!

,
jolyn

NCWO!

WHEE!! this was taken on the night after the NCHS 61st anniversary parade. you can read all about my personal experience before and during the parade...below!

): ): ): leaving NCWO so soon! i miss everyone! i miss my clarinet! i miss my trusty clarinet stand! i miss my chair! i miss the cupboard! i miss the scores! oops. i forgot to keep the oregon scores.. shhh.. i miss the library catalogue book! i miss the 'borrowing of scores' book! i miss the drawer that holds the books! i miss the stands personalised by me and jaslyn! i miss all my dear dear library ppl! i miss all the sec2 and 3 clarinetist (especially this very cute and short gurl with very fat cheeks =>jaslyn! haha)! i miss cataloging the cassette tapes (mr) koh chee kang left behind for us! i miss practicing all the running notes outside the DnT room! i miss the DnT tables we sit on sometimes to practice! ): ): ):

that night at SCH was really memorable...emotional...enjoyable...very 'high' (: oregon was great! we received lots of great comments ppl! who cares about the hiccups here and there? (after all some ppl didnt even know something went wrong.. hehe) we played amazingly! memories of SYF last year came rushing back like flood waters through a broken dam. who could forget that time when we were all dressed up smartly in our uniforms, traveling in the bus for what seemed like ages, to our future, the hours that lay waiting to determine what we will be for another 2 years. that is not a short time. 2 years. 2 batches. 2 graduations. 2 investitures. a silver. so what? a silver with double honours. thats what we are!   at exactly 9.15am, we in the bus towards SCH once again, a year and a day later, started to play the 7th night of july.

complaints: (haha. i like this part) we were given 3 holding rooms in total. no, not 3 rooms just for NCWO, three rooms for ALL the peformers to share, consisting of NCWO, CO, SO, ELDDS, CLDDS, choir, chinese dance, international dance and the guzheng emsemble from punggol sec. did i miss out anyone? whatever. CO got one room, SO got one room. and that left the rest of us crammed into a supposedly 'double' sized room. oh please. double? in order to fit the rest of us in there including our instruments, probably only a triple sized room would have been able to have enough space. and yet it would still have been a bit squeezy. what were they thinking? then band already took up almost half the room. the only reason why the rest of the performers could fit in was because they never came in all at the same time. they were either busy for their part of the rehearsal or eating or somewhere outside wondering. i think so. so, we were all crammed in there with some sec3s? watching rush hour 3 on a portable dvd player, some people doing homework... they fed us well though. with the 12hrs we were there, they fed us 3 times. 1st lunch. eww. jaslyn's rice had a bug in it. two hours later, tea break. at around 6, dinner. noodles or rice. chose noodles. i wasnt touching the rice again after lunch.

we played our best. perhaps peacock dance just wasnt the piece but oregon was good wasnt it? (: everyone got really crazy in the holding room as emotions filled the air. tears. laughter. encouragement. mr png said something comforting. we will never be forgotten. even after the investiture or as we step into year 2008. besides we still have Con Fuoco 2 to look forward to! jiayou everyone! lets give all we have into our Os and then the same again for NCWO's inaugural concert!

pictures! nah. haha. tomorrow is NCHS sports day. might be meeting kim and jiahui and some others? at hougang macs for breakfast. provided my dad allows. my mum flew to China on Sunday morning and suprisingly, i wasnt late for school this whole week despite her absence! claps! anyway, gotta wake up earlier than normal tomorrow. maths test today wasnt that bad! hope i can get a distinction! maybe i'll find another time someday when i can find the time to post all the SCH photos. i wanna get more parade photos too! does anybody have them? please send to me. haha. thank you! as alicia said to me just now: sayonara!

,
jolyn
p.s lets give a round of applause for jaslyn. 25/30 for chem test! wooo!

p.p.s THANK YOU to all juniors for the surprise on wednesday! thanks for the prezzies too. i love you, you love me....hahah. cliche. really. thanks for the greatest band practice ever! <3!

NCHS 61st anni parade

28 March

wow.. so many hours of parade rehersal and now its done. today i woke up late..hehe.. and spent like half and hour trying to bun my hair. its so difficult getting the bun just tight enough and neat. i was already late when i woke up so you'll know roughly what time i reached. by the time i got to macs at compass to have breakfast, everyone was already done. like almost the entire band was crowded outside the corridor or whatever you call that area btw macs and pizza hut. once i reached there, suddenly sihui was like "AAHHH! jolyn dao le!" and then someone was like "no. 10! no. 10!" and then sihui came over and took all my stuff and pulled me over to where all the other sec 4s were standing and all : huh? so we took a photo and i was no. 10 so i held up 10 fingers.. know what i mean? haha. it was like too late so i da-baoed mac breakfast and went to school to eat.

then, we all have to fall in and i was still drinking my milo so no choice go and put on top of the fire hose reel thingy. so why did we reach school at 10.30am for band while almost the rest of the other uniform groups were no where to be seen? bcos we were vvvv hardworking and went to practice our beloh! the sun was like shining so brightly, almost blindingly and yet we were standing in our black band tees (umm..most of the sec 4s only..haha) and absorbing all the heat while some ncc ppl looked on. ): soo tiring and had to march around the parade square like >10 times? because the front row was the 'pivot' and so it was like only one straight line marching around and around the parade spuare and beloh-ing. oh man... my arm was aching so badly from all the 90degrees front and 45degrees back. XD so first only the first row then first+second row and so on. and with the sun beating down on us like nothing else mattered and with beads of sweat dripping down our backs and faces like a water tap, some of us got really bad sun burnts.  like really bad.. and now the skin on my face actually hurts a little..eww.. so anyway, i think our beloh got really good! well.. maybe it just improved a lot from our first rehersal. (: (oops. feel a little headache coming on)

so beloh for like 2 hrs though it seemed more like 4 hrs! and then went up to band room and cooled off. finally! then didnt want to go all the way to the toilet to change into band uniform so i followed sihui and go change in the band store.haha! but of course the door can lock one lah. but then i think someone wanted to go into the bandstore and went to pull on the handle and gave me a huge scare! almost jumped out of my skin. so after that put on full band u with blazer but i didnt fold down the sleeves of my inside shirt (learn from melissa one!) and just wore the blazer over. after all you cant really tell the difference. haha! bet you didnt know! had rehersal at arnd 3? and the sun was still shining as brightly as ever. 1st play two times of old comrades, once for supporting contingent and the other for the guard-of-honour and the two other main contingents.. uhh ya. then the arrival of mr ong but of course not really him lah. than the VIP we played general salute after the homat tanja TA then one check one check one. after tt just play old comrades again for the march past of the guard of honour and the main contingents and again for the supporting ones. then drum role and we turn and then was our turn to march past. all in all quite ok. as we march past, we also play old comrades one last time then 'disappear' into the corridor. then had 1/2 hr break and had uniform inspection. but i think ours not really alot to inspect cos if we didnt tuck in our shirt also cannot tell since the blazer will cover. haha.

for the real thing, we gathered at our holding place at one corner of the parade square and while we waited, the sky started to get darker and there was some thunder. it was so scary! in the sense that 1. it had been so freaking hot in the morning and afternoon and 2. just when we've worked so hard and practiced so many belohs it just had to rain there and then. all of us were hoping like mad that it wouldnt rain and i jusr heard from jiarui that he was hoping too. haha. finally at ard 4.15 we started the parade. first we march out then repeated everything i mentioned earlier. but we waited like super duper long for the VIP to come. the VIP was the Dr Lum the same guy as the guest of honour for the opening of the anchorvale cc. he seriously took forever! and while i was waiting and worrying that my arm would just give way and drop with the clarinet, a fly came buzzing right past my ear! i could hear its 'Yyyyyyyyiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii' sound loud and clear. so gross!!! and i kind of jerked my head to one side and it flew off. *shivers* my little finger was hurting all the way too bcos i was trying to rest the entire clarinet on that finger.

And all that time, beside me sihui and Doreen kept fidgeting while I was trying with all my might to keep straight. And darren’s forehead was like flooded with beads of sweat lah. So funny. he’s like right in front of me bcos I stand right smack in the middle of the front row. Soooo I couldn’t tahan for very much longer and decided to just reach up and push my fringe away from my face. Haha. And I don’t care cos almost everyone else was fidgeting away so one little push wouldn’t make much of a difference. Finally dr lum came and blah blah blah. And while we were standing in the corridor, some teacher (cant remember his name) from ncc I think, one of the ncc teacher in charge bah, came and was like ‘band, good job!’ uhh anyway I think he said it to all the participants of the parade soo…*shrugs*. Then we all moved to the garden area btw the 2 rows of sec 1 classrooms and miss hani and the parade commander kind of did the debrief and said what a success it all was and did the 3 cheers and 3 cheers and 3 cheers thing. Finally dismissal! woohoo! But some juniors had this great idea to take off their blazers AND clog shoes. *ahem* but who told you to do so? You see all the rest of the uniform groups, they are as tired and sweaty but they don’t go take off their shoes or something right? Just tahan a bit until we reach the band room lah. In the band room only miss heng was there and I think someone suggest she go qing us dinner or something. Haha. And no wonder mdm yeo and mr ting not there so they don’t have to qing us. But of course never lah. It would prob cost her an entire month’s salary if she qing us at like swensons or pizza hut or something. Then she say she will give us 10mins to keep our instruments, pack up and leave the room. o_O anyway no choice also so me and Alicia go to the toilet to change into the school skirt and I changed into sch shoes also. Any longer in the clogs and my toes might break.

Went downstairs to the parade square and started taking photos with sihui’s camera. Haha. But vv tired so Alicia and I mostly stand at one side. Ooooh. Maybe when I get the photos then will post it here (: lots of them! But I’m soo not photogenic ): then I think jing ting wanted to play concentration so in the end sat in one big circle in the middle of the parade square and play concentration. Haha. Great times. Ard 7+ left school for compass and took 372 there. Pizza hut! Whee! Ordered the set for 4 but altogether got 3 of these sets and sihui had vegetarian pasta bcos her nainai passed away recently and buddist tradition says she has to abstain from meat for 49-100 days I think. Dinner was super yummy. And then we started to try and guess which cca kaiying was in, in her primary school. Turned out to be Chinese calligraphy. Hahs. So unexpected leh. Also found out Jason was in choir in primary school! ohh don’t tell hor! shh…. Haha. Then my mum called and say she was also in compass eating dinner at the foodcourt and she say she want to go to the japan fair. But by the time we they guess guess guess the fair already close. Oh well. but today was really fun and all that beloh-ing in the morning was soo worth it! NCWO!

29 March

Ok.. ignore the date right above bcos its umm..wrong. see the typed one instead. Today woke up at 8am and left for e maths remedial. I realized I shouldn’t have eaten the curry puff Alicia gave me bcos I didn’t have enough water and ended up having sore throat this morning. It feels better when I drink a lot of water at one go though. Then waited with oliney for mr tien who took a very long 5mins to come out. She asked him the chem qns and then we left tgt. Oliney’s mum was coming to pick her and mr tien asked if I wanted a lift haha. But I said no. *shrugs* must exercise more you know. So, walked home and had A maths tuition but couldn’t really concentrate and was like falling asleep. But could not really sleep bcos its those kind of private one-to-one kind and it would just seem so weird if I were to suddenly lie my head down on the table and sleep. Well. tts all. He left and here I am blogging. Hmm.. so many tests this coming week! Well..3 only.. but 2 on Monday then + need to do geog time practice. XD *sigh*. Prob I should nap first. Bye!

,
jolyn

p.s. saw kim wearing makeup from her concert performance. haha! looked so weird.. :D

A Big Sigh

*sigh*.. things are not going very well for me since this year. i must apologise for not having updated for so very long. that is why i decided to come and do an entry despite not having much time on my hands.

its the march holidays now, but it feels more like an extended normal school day.. so its like worse than normal! ah i would rather have normal school days throughout the holidays so i don't have to reschedule my chinese tuition and other activities. even band days have to go and change so now i have band on thursday which is one of the days i have my tuition.

oh great. now my mum is nagging at me to do my homework. ok she did it in a very nice way, telling me my pimples are starting to pop out and i'm getting black eye rings, but i haven't even touched the com for more than a month! um almost, but do you mean i can't even blog to destress or as some people would say, to improve my english? *sigh* again.

i've not been doing very well in my studies this year.. like i only managed to scrape through my bio and both my maths took such a drastic drop. when i showed my chinese tuition teacher my report book she even commented on this. i dont know what im doing wrong. maybe its my method of studying bcos i'm used to memorising everything word for word straight from the text but now there's too much to memorise so much so that i feel that i cannot cope. my brother told me a little something i think might be rather helpful in motivating me to work harder. i can tell you very truthfully that i don't work very hard or not as hard as some other people in my class. ah i WANT to work hard, but something seems to be holding me back, causing me to be distracted. i guess the mindset is very important but this is going to take lots of patience, time, and efforts. two of which we are desperately lacking bcos MOE just had to bring forward the 'O' levels so that now its starting in October.

oh no.. i'm like talking all about my studies and ah.. boring hor? anyway, there's nothing happy at all for me to talk about. my life has become nothing but homework and tests and lately.. filing. i even guitily stay at home to do my homework on sunday instead of going to church, which should never be the case. i need help! i know my relationship with the Lord is very unhealthy...hardly ever praying anymore, feeling that not going to church is in fact ok as long as i go back the next sunday, even my saturdays are taken over by maths tuition and homework so that i can't go for LTF. ):  *sigh* there is not even one day where i can go home after school without any homework or studying to do, having my mother nag at me, half-sleeping half-doing hw and end up sleeping on the sofa until the next morning... when will it end?

i shall stop now. there is still so much more to do. my aunt/maths tuition teacher, Julia yiyi, is going to Australia to work so now my mother is helping me find a new teacher. almost all of my relatives are reommending my other aunt's boyfriend bcos he's very good at maths i guess. so the probability of him being my maths tuition teacher might just as well be 80%? hahs. its going to be awkward.. im just like that.

,
jolyn

p.s. dont mind my lengthy entries. sometimes its rather hard when you've not blog for so long and have everything squished inside.

p.p.s sadly my chatterbox is gone probably bcos i have not visited the website for a very long time. maybe i'll try to get one of those tagboards. bye (: